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Republican Great White Hope Scott Brown’s Pink Leather Past

A profile on the truck driving Republican Presidential hopeful from Boston Scott Brown in Vanity Fair caused a few chuckles last week with his wife’s cheeky revelation about the pink leather shorts he wore to his first date with her in the 1980s.  Here’s the money shot:

“The pinkish color drained from [Brown’s] face when I asked him about it during a conversation in his campaign office just before we took off in the truck. He clarified that the shorts weren’t something that he went out and purchased — it wasn’t like that at all. ‘I did the couture shows, and instead of paying in cash, they paid in clothes,’ he said. ‘And one of the things I had to wear were leather shorts. And these happened to be pink.’”

It’s certainly a relief to know Mr Brown didn’t buy them – that would be kinda faggy. That instead he was given the pink leather shorts for sashaying up and down the catwalk at a couture show.

How funny to think that the US was the only country that had anything approaching a serious backlash against metrosexuality, back in the mid-Noughties.  Oh, come on now, surely you remember?  That so-called ‘menaissance’?  Those prissy lists of ‘manly’ ‘do’s and don’ts’?  And those completely non-ironic ‘Reclaim your manhood – go shopping in a Hummer’ ads?  It got lots of coverage  in the press at the time.  Supposedly metro was out and retro ‘regular guys’ were back in.  Oh, and George W. Bush was re-elected in part on an anti-gay marriage anti-metro ticket (his Democrat opponent was portrayed by the Republican machine as a girly-man metrosexual passivist).

And yet,  just a few years on, faux Texan ‘bring it on!’ George Bush has been replaced by a svelte mixed-race President who starts every day with a workout, who ran a campaign based on slogans printed in the GQ font, and who is, for all Michelle’s prettiness, something of his own First Lady.

And now the great white hope of the Republicans, who whipped Obama’s skinny ass in a Democrat stronghold, is a former Cosmo centrefold and male couture model who liked to wear pink leather shorts because they showed off his tanned legs.

But perhaps the most interesting thing about Scott Brown’s very successful 1980s male modelling career, looking at the pictures, is this: he wouldn’t get the work today.  He’d have to do hardcore gay porn.  And certainly not Falcon or any respectable studio – no, Scott would have to do fetish/extreme stuff.  Fisting in black (not pink) leather, that kind of thing.  Or cash-in on his surname.  And he still wouldn’t get paid very much.  Though they probably would let him keep one of the XXL toys.

I’m not being bitchy.  No, really.  I’m just being realistic.  And anyway, it’s not about him; it’s about us.

He was nice enough looking in a wooden sort of way, but since the 1980s an entire generation of young men have been raised to be male models – and they work at it a lot harder than Scott evidently did.  They also look at themselves a lot harder.  Scott had it relatively easy because there was much less awareness of what was ‘desirable’ in the male body back then – amongst women and men.  Young men as a sex hadn’t learned to desire to be desired.  That was still officially women’s role.  And because there was probably also rather more in the way of stigma attached to his profession there was even less competition.

Yes, it looks like Scott had a pert bum and what they used to call back then a ‘hunky’ physique – but today it would be a case of ‘Don’t call us dear, we’ll call you.’  Such is the choice available of absurdly desirable, obscenely fit young men, I doubt anyone would even bother to tell him what he so obviously needed to do: get down the gym and take steroids and crystal meth.  (And if you work really hard and you’re really lucky you’ll end up on Jersey Shore.)

His body looks far too natural to be credible today as a idealised male image: the lack of porno pecs, a six-pack and ‘cum-gutters’ is heinous.  The untrimmed, un-waxed body hair is grievous.  The unbleached teeth unforgiveable.  He wouldn’t make the audition for today’s male Cosmo Men’s Health – let alone the cover.

In fact, the most buffed and pumped thing about the young Scott Brown to our critical 21st Century eyes is his hairdo.

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14 thoughts on “Republican Great White Hope Scott Brown’s Pink Leather Past”

  1. Simon-Peter Trimarco

    God! I would have done. You must all have had access to the most amazing gentlemen in the 80s if you wouldn’t have looked at him then. I remember a wonderful period of unemployment: I lived in Maida Vale, London, and it was undergoing Yuppification over the summer. Those workmen and scaffolders needed R&R lots and lots of the time……. Quite a few of them looked like our Senator friend and I definitely didn’t say no…

  2. Simon-Peter ; they’re gotten at the gym most often. Cum gutteres are the handy little troughs running betwixt the abdomen and the legs on either side I believe. They come in subtle shades of white to pink to dark ochre: flesh tones. You might be able to puchase at a plastiq surgeon . They do most everything else to the body.

  3. straightonlyinbed:
    Could be he was hoping a talent scout from Voque was checking him out.. He also has his belly sticking out like an ingenue.

    Whatever the case, Mark was right on the money (or what ever) in noting the allure if his shapely derierre; which in and of itself allows for a world of other flaws.; I don’t think I was pre-pumped- one never knows though.

  4. Simon-Peter Trimarco

    I’m sorry but what, pray, are “cum gutters” and should I have them and, if so, in what colour and from where?

  5. straightonlyinbed

    @lady s.
    As for “suburbansexual”, I was actually (obviously) trying to imitate the author here but I couldn’t find a way to make it sound like “subsexual” (for the W.Bush/Newt Gingrich/gordon B. type of male) without losing the “suburban” semantic unit .

    The thing about a man who’s lacking in michelangelian “porno pecs” is that, in order to simulate more flesh, he will cross his arms to, effectively, squeeze his tits together.
    Women do it, if what they’re working with makes it necessary, to “plump up” their platter. But the male pectoral muscle is never asymmetrical or flaccid when iron-pumped, it comes “pre-plumped” for the camera from the gym.
    With all the rambo-chested studs in mags today, you don’t seem to see that pose anymore.

  6. My impression of the “menaissanse”, is that it’s effects were and still are most evident in the gay mainstreaming crowd–all seeking to have “butch” alure and possibly to be taken for the “man of the house”(as opposed to the” little woman”; although at heart they all want to be like mom. Actually, I’ve been haunted by the idea that there was an onslaught of “hummersexuals” with lesbians mums like my own; now I know they are all just pseudo-butches/the same ol queens in macho drag..
    Straight men, however, outside the conserve of conservative traditional “men’s men”, have been buying pretty regularly into metrosexuality of a cockeyed American variety, as evidenced in e.g, the “health’’ magazines, swingers clubs, dressing fashionably, abjuring marriage&family, etc.
    Hummers for shopping have become a much more popular thing among women and gays than heterosexual men. Fashionable Women had even taken to smoking cigars.
    I find it peculiar that, apart countering from the Obama persona, republicans would ever think to let a pansy who ever worn causally a pair of pink shorts and posed nude represent them. Shows how frightened they are of Sarah Palin.

  7. Maybe I’m watching the wrong gay porn, but save for the hair, 1980s Brown doesn’t look *that* out of place. Then again, I don’t pay for it. Feel free to direct me to the hotter gay porn, though.

    Straightonlyinbed: I dig the word suburbansexual.

  8. straightonlyinbed

    Yes, he looks disgusting. In the big pic at left.
    The two smaller shots at right are defensible, however, as he covers his smooth abs (the only place today, on man or machine, where smoothness is repellent, akin to sallow in the domain of color) and purses his lips to hide the sallow teeth.

    And who is the audience for whom he would be unacceptable? Mostly men who have adapted the ultra judgmental critical position of women toward other women’s bodies, now for their own smarmy narcissism and pseudo-suffering.

    Looks like the race will at last go extinct, as all the beautiful men and women only look at pictures of their respective sex’s exemplars, die out and leave the gargoyles in an unmatable society.
    The religious conservatives were right, “gay” will be the ruin of us all.

    Or perhaps the new world is still suburbansexual. It was, after all, scott-the-sexpot-of-the-dreary-EIGHTIES , not a sexpot scott brown as he would have had to be in TODAY’s cosmo, who won. The real metrosexuals are still out and pale white bubba bloatard republican “manliness” still rules america. Scott Brown also won because the woman he was up against was even less woman (and less man) than him.

    For all the sex obsession in the gay world, I wonder how many gays (and metros) take obama perhaps less seriously, due to his narcissistic workout regimen.

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