Love Island – ITV’s Primetime Spornotopia

Mark Simpson on this Summer’s smash-hit dating show: ‘a comedy of compulsory heterosexuality’. (Telegraph Men, 18 July, 2017) Utopian fantasies have long gripped the human imagination. Famous, brainy – but sadly, not very buff – thinkers such as Plato (in the 4th Century BC), Thomas Moore (in the 16th AD) and HG Wells (in the 20th), […]

Smart Spornowear

‘Every time I bend down I feel I’m going to bust through the seams.’ I had no idea that ‘hockey butt’ was such a pressing problem. In fact, I’d never heard of hockey butt before I saw this viral ad. But it’s my new favourite word for big round muscle bubble butt that sticks out […]

Spornos Go To War

NATO brings out the big guns. And huge, pumped bazookas. Spornosexuals (and man buns) have been mobilised in the propaganda war. The North Atlantic alliance would like you to meet, like, share and follow Lasse Matberg. Model, influencer, ‘modern Viking’ and hench, hot-oiled Lieutenant in the Royal Norwegian Navy.  To quote the Duke of Wellington, […]

Pietro Boselli – Spornosexual Philosopher

Mark Simpson sits at the feet of ‘The Bona from Verona’ Pietro Boselli, the ‘world’s sexiest maths teacher’ as he has been breathlessly dubbed by the press, is living, geometrically consistent proof that spornosexuals don’t have to be dumb. And also that for all their self-sexualisation, spornos can be romantico. Angelic, even. Though if angels […]

Rio Sporno – When Male Stripping Became An Olympic Sport

Mark Simpson on some happy, warm – if scantily-dressed – memories of 2016 Last Summer in Brazil a tiny island in the South Pacific took on all the major sporting superpowers – and won the Olympics. Before a starting pistol was even fired. When the flagbearer for Tonga, Pita Taukatofua, 32, made his sensational appearance at the […]

Spornosexual Steve Cook on the Meaning of Metrosexual

While prepping for my Barcelona lecture, ‘From Metrosexual to Spornosexual – a Permanent, Spectacular Masculine Revolution’, this video serendipitously popped up into MetroDaddy’s timeline on Twitter. It’s an exploration of the meaning of being called ‘metrosexual’ by professional bodybuilder and popular online fitness guru Steve Cook, who has his own YouTube channel SwoldierNation where he offers workout tips, vlogs, […]

Inside Spornosexual Pride

Mark Simpson goes to BodyPower – the UK’s biggest fitness expo – and tries not to stare too hard. Even though staring is very welcome. (Originally appeared in The Daily Telegraph 4 August, 2016) “Would you like me to take my top off?” is the shy and retiring usual response when you ask a chap […]

Sporno Italico

Mark Simpson visits Rome’s Foro Italico, home of Mussolini’s Olympic ‘gay gang-bang in Carrara marble’ Off the well-worn tourist track, on the North bank of the Tiber in the Eternal City, hidden away in the Foro Italico sports complex, is a vast, open-air shrine to the idealised male form that most visitors to Rome are […]

Gymnos Guys – Gymnastics Goes Back To Its Naked Roots

The Olympics in Rio are taking up the starting position, and Yorkshire-based Team GB gymnast Nile Wilson has dusted his hands with chalk and mounted his pommel horse to warm up and show off his pecs, tris, tatts, abs and obliques. Oh, and advertise Hyperflex jeans. They certainly look very flexible. Though surely there’s a jean-shorts version […]

Stereo Sporno – The Harrison Twins

Mark Simpson on the splendidly shameless pumped progeny of David Beckham & Take That Good things come in pairs. Buttocks, breasts, balls, pecs, Twix – and the Harrison twins. Owen and Lewis Harrison, originally from England’s beautiful Lake District, an hour’ or so’s drive north of Manchester, are quite the attraction themselves – international fitness models, personal […]

Keyless Entry & Male Versatility

“I call him lollipop” The sexualisation of the male body probes new, perfectly-rounded depths in this European ad promoting the ‘keyless entry’ feature on Ford cars. And possibly the use of Ford key fobs as sex toys. A remarkably well-crafted ad, it makes excellent use of the increasingly blatant modern phenomenon of metaphysical – and increasingly physical […]

Meat the Spornosexual

The second generation of metrosexuals are cumming. And this time it’s hardcore by Mark Simpson What is it about male hipsters and their strange, pallid, highly ambivalent fascination with bodies beefier and sexier than their own? Which means, of course, pretty much everyone? You may remember last year that last year the Guardian columnist and TV […]

French Farms Now Equipped With Gyms & Waxing Salons

Horse: ‘Oh, MERDE! He’s got his tits out for the cameras again – I’m not going to get fed for HOURS!’ We’ve seen a great deal of male pin-up tit-ilation over the last decade or so, in which men in traditionally masculine occupations get their clothes off and their tarty on as they occupy the […]

Well-Oiled, Precision-Engineered German Spornosexuality

This recent German ad caught my eye. Or rather, some silky smooth, highly-grabable German glutes leapt out of my monitor and rammed themselves in my face. My German is rather poor, but the ad would appear to be for lady’s body-cream called Aldo Vandini. Expensive body-cream, judging by the size of that obscenely luxurious bath-living […]

Does Magic Mike Have Anything To Stick Himself With?

This animated gif will save you £8 and 109 minutes of disappointment. Yes, I’ve done my invert duty and been to see Magic Mike. Which, according to The New York Times, gay men are ‘flocking’ to see in numbers not seen since Brokeback Mountain. Even if they’re not all as jaded as me I think […]

Cristiano ‘Sporno’ Ronaldo – Mark Simpson Interviewed By Newsweek

Mark Simpson interviewed by Newsweek’s Teddy Cutler on the spornosexual movement and the leading role of Ronaldo’s pectorals in it (2/20/2016) What exactly does ‘spornosexual’ mean? The spornosexual is a man who has hammered and fashioned his own body into a hot, ripped, pumped, inked, vaguely lewd commodity at the factory of the 21st century—the gymnasium. He’s […]

From Metrosexual to Spornosexual – Two Decades of Male Deliciousness

‘Metrodaddy’ Mark Simpson on the evolution of male vanity (Originally appeared in The Daily Telegraph June 10, 2015) In a development which will probably have him running to the mirror yet again to search anxiously for lines, this year the metrosexual leaves his teens and turns twenty. How quickly your children grow up. Although it seems only yesterday, […]

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