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Rooney Plays With Himself Now Cristiano Isn’t Around

Who knew that Rooney on Rooney (in a romantically darkened stadium) could be so swooney?

The message of this latest spornographic ad seems to be that you play better with yourself with your shirt off.  Especially if you’re on YouTube.  And that Powerade InnerGear replaces those salts and ‘nutrients’ you lose in your body fluids.

But in all its autoerotic, chunky bear-cub pride this ad seems to also lovingly-longingly evoke a missing torso.  The smooth, defined, ab-tastic one belonging to Rooney’s much more talented, much prettier Portugese ‘winker’ chum – famously fined for peeling off his shirt on the pitch – who is no longer with Man U, or Rooney, but playing for Real Madrid and stripping off for Mr Armani. And also for visiting fully-clothed Formula 1 race car drivers.

Hence the recent statue of Cristiano Ronaldo unveiled by Nike in Madrid looks so hilariously unconvincing not so much because it doesn’t look anything like him – and it doesn’t even look unlike him – but because it’s wearing a shirt.

Tip: Andre Murracas

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3 thoughts on “Rooney Plays With Himself Now Cristiano Isn’t Around”

  1. Mark S:

    What are the chances that a mischievious replica of yourself might make its” prescence known in say, PICCADILLY CIRCUS or maybe outside of the TATE GALLERY! lol !

  2. If I was Ronaldo and had the faintest idea that anyone percieved me like that sculpture-a puzzled Neanderthal with elephantiasis of the legs and rumpled chest disease, I would just crawl in the bushes–forget Rooney. I don’t know how these contracts for ‘art ‘ are rewarded, but they surely have no relationship to aesthtic standards, unless there is some coincedence between that and general mental functioning.
    Just be happy that you don’t get that esteemed regard, Rooney.

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