Here’s a ‘cheeky’ corporate site cleanishappy.com extolling the benefits of rimming – how it can make every day a clean and happy day, for everyone!
Initially, you’re presented with a row of appetising male and female bums with smiley faces drawn on them, happy mouth directly over bumhole. Then the bums change into appetising smiley faces. Which one would you like to sit on?
Personally, I think the perky dark-haired man, third along looks like he has a very comfortable face. Since he does most of the talking, we know his tongue works just fine. I wonder how warm and invigorating his pulsing spray action is? As the site tells us, ‘everyone deserves to be pampered’. In the interests of equal-opps I should say the women look quite comfy too – though I worry slightly about the second lady from the left’s large teeth.
Alas, none of these fresh-faced, grinning rimmers are available for purchase. Instead, you have to make do with the ‘Washlet’, an automatic, Japanese-made rim-chair that you attach to your toilet and operate the warm water spray and drying air jet by remote control. It’s probably not as much fun as an eager tongue and is anyway officially meant to be only used as a way of improving bottom hygeine, but it might make it more likely you’ll actually get to feel one.
Either way the Washlet, which has just been squirted in the face of an unsuspecting US public, will definitely help to put Americans, male and female, even more in touch with their anality.
The mainstream interest in bum love has become so pronounced of late that New York Magazine and Details have noticed it – five years after I pointed out on Salon.com the popularity of heterosodomy and how it had become the ‘unholy grail of metrosexual sex’. (Perhaps coincidentally, Washlet are now heavily advertising on Salon.)
Anal play might still be unholy, but, thanks to the Washlet, it’s now clean and happy!
(Can I have my fee now?)
Yes, the ‘self-cleansing wand’ does look more than a little like the dripping pneumatic jaws of the creature in ‘Alien’. I’m not sure I would want to expose my botty to that either.
On the other hand, it’s a new-fangled gadget that makes having a shit a hi-tech electronic experience – and it makes you clean in ways you’d never realised you were dirty before.
How more American can you get than that?
Americans – will fear that phallic – telecsoping “cleansing wand”. They can not have anything like that in their terrorist prohibiting “safety pillar” way. I don’t think they will suddenly take to having a phallus extend from their toilet seat and spray them with water. Sounds a bit too much like actual anal “raw” sex – although the sheer hypocrisy of it, something that feels dirty which is actually cleansing – might appeal to some.
The Phalliban will rise up against this, they will see it as a gaying of American bottoms. We must protect the bums of the USA – this is clearly an invasion against our most sacred Port.
However I want one…the whole catalytic converter bit had me…
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