Mark Simpson undresses the tortured relationship between American men and their swimsuits PROHIBITED… THE WEARING OF SKIN-TIGHT FORM-FITTING OR BIKINI TYPE APPAREL OR BATHING SUITS BY MALES OVER 12 YRS. AGE If the stern, killjoy rubric of this warning sign, erected in the 1960s by the good people of Cape… Read More »Speedophobia: America’s Fear & Loathing of Budgie Smuggling
A touring exhibition of genuine Star Trek gimcracks reminds Mark Simpson of the virile greatness of the original Shatner/Nimoy series/love story – and the p.c. limpness of all the spin-offs (Originally appeared on Salon.com Feb. 26, 2003) The first thing that greets me is Capt. Kirk’s package. Jim’s intergalactic manhood… Read More »Captain Kirk’s Bulging Trousers
So David Beckham, the uber-metrosexual, the photogenic English athlete who transfigured himself from mere professional soccer player into global me-dia, is leaving Real Madrid Football Club, his home for the past three years, and is now heading for the City of Signs. Beckham became a Hollywood footballer years ago (around about the time of… Read More »Beckham the Virus (Goes To Hollywood)
If Viagra has turned the penis into a ‘puncture-proof balloon’, does that mean it’s not funny anymore? (First appeared in the Independent on Sunday, 2002) Investigating the penis can be an eye-watering business. Examining the urethra of an impotent young man, using a long nickel-plated probe called a ‘No 25 Explorer’, a… Read More »Gagging For It: A Ticklish History of The Penis
I don’t blame Keane for being furious. I’m positively seething myself that no one invited me either. ‘Stars in sick orgy’ (strapline to the print version – doesn’t appear online) Another example of how sporno is fast becoming porno – or is porno becoming sporno? Tabloid newspapers in the UK… Read More »Keane Fury Over Roasting Romp