In the Middle Ages, sodomy was thought to be caused not by hair whorls, but by drunkenness. As this clip shows, they were absolutely right.
The post-match beery bonding of the lovely lads of Sandbach RUFC – which, be warned, includes very male nudity, heavy petting and male-on-male snogging – made me feel faint with jealousy.
And also faintly redundant.
These straight lads’ eagerness to perform their manly love for one another in front of UK TV cameras (for an instalment of an ITV2 series last month called Generation Xcess) does away with the need for my:
- essay on hazing, in which I argued that male bonding is deeply homoerotic, but that despite this it is not a ‘gay’ thing – it’s a ‘guy’ thing
- pointing out the size queenery of straight men.
- explaining how little purchase the Phalliban has in the UK – compared to the US where it has a tighter grip than Captain Tim’s team-mates have on his ‘massive cock’
- arguing that the homoerotic fantasy Sporno advertising sells us is not entirely baseless
- responding to those who adamantly refuse to believe that straight men could get naked with one another on camera and play with each other’s dangly bits when offered lots of cash. (These ones did it for a few beers.)
Instead of all my scribbling, I just needed to take a video camera to a pub in Sandbach on Saturday night and buy a few rounds. It would have been a lot more fun too.
Funny that this should have surfaced around the same time as this spornographic ad campaign for Paris – which after the salty mantics of Sandbach RUFC now looks like a slightly coy promotion for a copycat programme featuring a less attractive, less ballsy team.
Perhaps the most ‘touching’ part of all this groping is the way this (highly successful) team of rugger buggers refuse to be embarrassed by the naughty clips the programme makers make them watch in the cold-sober light of day. Instead, they seem quite proud.
As the completely unabashed, grinning, donkey-hung, bubble-butted Captain Tim says, “We should watch that again.”
But then, they have much to be proud of. Especially their Captain. Alas, I suspect that some – gay and straight – spiteful members of the Great British Public who saw the doc did their best to make these young men feel ashamed for being ‘gay’ with one another – to make them feel ashamed, in fact, for being fit, boisterous lads full of life, laughs, spunk and puppyish enthusiasm for masculinity.
Actually, the more I think about it – and what I’m missing – I’m beginning to feel spiteful too….
Bernard: Thanks for sharing those stories. I must go drinking with your straight male students myself, just to double-check your data…. I’ve emailed you about the clip, but probably the best way to transfer it is by using Dropbox: http://db.tt/UYZDLzP
Maher: You may have missed the date on this post. I blogged about this doc the *moment* it appeared. More or less. I’m really that sad. (Oh, and I blogged about Tim’s ‘solo’ outing here: http://marksimpson.com/2009/04/25/tim-no-acorn-oakes/ )
Maher: WHERE IS THIS VIDEO??!!
Mark: The ITV report I have is 13 minutes long. I now realize it’s probably what you already have. Apparently I’d have to cut it into sections less than 2 mins each to email it, but I may go ahead and try that anyway. Ta.
Nicely noted Mark, but that Tim bloke is a noted exhibitionist from way back, which is when this clip was first released, by the way. A private wank vid has also surfaced of him. He’s a worry. On the other hand, a newer vid of young UK riggers has recently surfaced, featuring a whole team doing far more outrageous things with each other in front of a webcam. It seems they’re doing a group performance for a female admirer. It’s quite the business.
By the way, I’d like to mention here one of the hottest true sex stories I ever heard. Years ago, a few straight male students took me out for a drink, and apparently in an effort to demonstrate how cool they were with my open homosexuality, began reminiscing about crazy sexual moments with other boys. One told this story about how he was jacking off with a friend at 14 or 15 when the friend suddenly jumped him and mouth-raped him–for a joke–cumming in his mouth. Another told a rugby team story about naked guys oiling up up and seeing how many they could fit in an equipment closet. But the capper was the guy whose football team started a circle jerk in the showers when the coach walked by, shook his head in amused disbelief, and walked on. A couple of the boys ran out after him, hustled him into the shower room, stripped him, and gang-jerked him till he came. A kind of bonding thing, my student said.
I have a copy of the full show (as QuickTime video), which is several years old–and still smoking hot. I’ve used clips in class sessions on straight gayness.
I don’t know if it would arrive by email but I could try if you want. I could also try dividing in shorter clips, or finding a place I could upload it online that you could download from.
THINK ITS TIME I TOOK UP A SPORT, ANY SUGGESTIONS.
ive seen this sort of stuff between staright guys too, but theres one guy on that vid that is deffo gay, he oozes it, the one wanking the guy at the end, sorry love but u r a gayer, he was loving it, an did u see him staring at that guys meat after he was wanking it lol
i spent my college years and at least 10 years after shagging exclusively “straight” rugby playing men.
They used to go to gay bars, the rugby teams, i think because it was an environment without women so they could bond more, to be honest they were left alone and were always very tame, youd see the actually gay members of the team checking us out but for the rest they were totally into each other.
i dont think they get up to that much real loving, sex yeah, they wank off together and i heard that as part of their initiation they were penetrated by the best hung of the team??? and each of them knew how big the other was but i never heard of any of them coming out or anything.
I shagged by share of them, there were a few who were open about going both ways, guys with intense sexual charisma, and that was understood by all and accepted, the restwere just sex except i had two lovers from them in that time . They all wnted to shag, more to be shagged, to have the experience but in the end, they were mostly men who loved other men but not in a gay way.
my present lover is a welsh rugger bugger, ex rugby playing, ex married , hes very sexy and male and will revert to a teenager at any time with his rugby friends, oh and he like every rugby playing man i ever met hates wearing clothes and is more comfortable nude.
These guys are fun, open and having a great unforgettable evening. Don’t any of you up-tight turkeys make these guys feel embarassed. This is just “guy-guy fun” and the world will be a better place when men can touch, kiss and feel each other with no hang-ups from the left! Incidentally this activity has been going on since the Romans and Greeks invented the public baths! Yes, and the matrons were scandalized then too!
Rugby is far more sexy without the gay guys. Join a rugby club, have sex with your team mates (you will have to shag women as well to prove you are the right sort) but don’t come out as gay. It spoils everything.
Thanks for sharing. Sexy guys. Homoerotic but not particularly gay – the women in the vid felt a bit left out I think. Drole commentary too. Hopefully will encourage some gay guys to take up rugby.
Mmm well since ‘Antigay’ I was under the impression that gay was not gay after all.
Here’s a link to the local newspaper website. If you type ‘sandbach rugby’ into the search box you’ll get a couple of links to stories about this ‘event’.
http://iccheshireonline.icnetwork.co.uk/
Oh England, my Lionheart…
Well, i cant tell my Prada from my D&G either, but im certainly gay!
Ive seen this before in real life (although not those specific guys), ive even seen ‘straight’ drunk sports men suck each other off as a dare. Ive also seen them do homoerotic displays when there are no women around.
Although straight i do wonder just how fully straight they are, definitely a case Kinsey would be interested in. If you look closely you can usually see at least one of them that is more into this ‘harmless drunk fun’ than the others. Thats the one to get on his own..
I found the reactions of the females to the horse (or donkey dick) play revealing – or it may have been the editing of the piece. Seems like the girls were a wee bit embarrassed by it all and reacted very unlike lads would have if the girls were making out “to get their boys horny”. It’s not quite equivalent, methinks.
I quite like this kind of male bonding and I’m sure it has gone on for as long as male team sports have existed. No wonder they are (as Mark said) a successful rugby team, but instead of feeling “jealous”, “redundant” or “spiteful” I’d feel rather frustrated none of this sexual theatre would continue offstage.
You are so jealous! get a life you sad old queen.
While extremely titilating, there is nothing remotely ‘gay’ about this scene! Not once did I hear the word ‘fabulous’, or one of these lads refer to a mate as ‘sweetie’ or ‘honey’! And I am fully confident that none of these lads could tell their Prada from their D&G. It’s just drunk randy boys having a bit of fun. In fact, you get the feeling that they are putting on this little homoerotic display for the benefit of the ladies they are hoping to bed in a few hours, in much the same way that the ladies will make out to get their boys horny.
as I recall, that was the last bit. it went on to the other group that was profiled, and that was the end.
Blast you ITV (who I used to work for, their ill fated US startup) for not being able to show this the states! Instead you make other crappy reality tv shows that pander to the lowest common denominator in humankind, homo americanus to be specific.
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