February 11th, 2007
Speedophobia
![\speedo_1 Speedophobia\](http://marksimpson.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/speedo_1.jpg "\speedo 1 Photo\")
The February issue of Out carries a feature called ‘Speedophobia’ in which ‘Mark Simpson undresses the tortured relationship between American men and their swimwear’:
‘You may think them practical and sexy and iconic. You may consider them the single most perfect and pithy item of clothing ever designed for the male body. You may consider them the only thing to wear on the beach. You might even consider yourself slightly overdressed in them. But if you do, it’s probably because you’re gay. Or foreign. Speedos, otherwise known as “banana hammocks”, “marble bags”, “noodle benders”, and “budgie smugglers” are apparently as un-American as Borat’s body thong.
Speedos on a nongay beach are the surest way to earn yourself angry stares, abuse, and plenty of room for your beach towel. As a result, Speedos have in the United States become a badge of gay pride and exclusion—as overt homophobia declines, rampantly overt Speedophobia is bringing U.S. gays and Brazilians together, huddling together at the far end of the beach in their Lycra.’
Read about America’s ‘phalliban’ and general fear and loathing of snugly, briefly packaged male genitalia in full at Out.com
February 13th, 2007 at 6:00 am
As an American, I’m going to go ahead and confirm that speedos are inappropriate for no-competitive swimming and I would like it to stay that way.
Yeah…that’s like a little too close to being naked, really. And in America, wearing a Speedo would definitely be read as a cry for attention. As in..”I’m too sexy for my shorts, excuse me while I lavish cocoa butter all over my carefully maintained tan.”
Plus…what if you get a spontaneous woody?
Great historical background in the article, BTW.
April 25th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
You believe “a spontaneous woody” would be more conspicuous in lycra swimwear than making a tent out of a pair of board shorts?!?!
It’s nice to know that as an American, you’re qualified to decide what is appropriate for others to wear. Many parts of the world embrace diversity rather than conformity. We won’t get into infamous people in history who pushed conformity on the world.
Speedos are no more feminine than the Capri pants that guys are wearing today, and they don’t weigh five pounds when wet.
April 26th, 2007 at 7:14 am
Because the little, more popular brother of speedos, little tiny short shorts is going to to cover that spontaneous boner, or trunks, for that matter.
Either way, I don’t think of speedos as sexual anymore? I think of them as like, another choice for swimwear. Truth is, I do check out the pack and the ass, but I just do it unconsciously.